themme–fatale:

langernameohnebedeutung:

Lae'zel’s character and her entire situation at the beginning of the game becomes so much more funny when you find out she’s 22. It makes so much sense. Imagine you’re 22 and you’re exposed to this dangerous toxin or chemical or something - but not to worry, you learnt that this can be easily fixed, you just need to dial 911 real quick. Common knowledge. Everyone knows that. You learnt that in kindergarten, it’s up there with fire alarm drills.

But the people you’re stuck with have no concept of modern medicine and when you say “let’s go to the hospital” they will say shit like “i think they kill people at the hospital” and “we should ask this swamp lady” or “this guy over there told me about this homoeopathic healer kind of guy but he got abducted” or “this random bard wants to help” and “I’m not going to dial 911 because I don’t want the government to know my home address” or “maybe we should consider a deal with Satan”. And then a bunch of them KEEP consuming the chemical because it makes them “stronger”. One guy might explode for unrelated reasons. You have a few days before this situation is getting critical and suddenly they’re solving crime and doing general charity for the community.

And FOR SOME REASON you still try to help these idiots and you STILL want to help them get the cure even though they all keep insisting the “doctors” at the “hospital” might try to “kill them” and they don’t have insurance. And you keep telling them to just. go. to. the. hospital. before the time runs out and you all die very horribly of a very treatable condition.

And also you’re 22 in a foreign country and you’re responsible for shepherding this gaggle of idiots who are all ranging anywhere from 24 to 240 years old.

and then when you finally get to the hospital they do, in fact, try to kill you

(via offduty-mermaid)

laughingpokemon:

duckbunny:

aropride:

aropride:

“nothing is real atoms never touch each other youve never touched anything in your life” ok. well when i pet my dog he is soft and when he licks my hand it is wet and that is far more real to me than whatevers going on at an atomic level

what my atoms are doing is their fucking business man i’m busy trying to stop my dog from eating tissues directly out of the box

nuclei don’t touch, but the nucleus is not the core of reality. reality is made of electrons dancing. reality is made of bonds.

you pet your dog and the atoms that are you brush up against the atoms that are him, and the electrons that are you press into the electrons that are him, and both of them change their movement.

electrons of course are not really particles and do not really move.

you pet your dog and the electron-orbitals of your skin overlap with the electron-orbitals of his fur, and both are changed by the contact. you are not made of little motes floating alone in a void. you are a single unfathomable chord formed of a trillion vibrations, and so is he. and the note you play is changing at every moment by what you touch and how you breathe, and so is his. and atoms do not really have edges, and to touch is to interact, and when you put your hand on your dog the universe does not know that you are separate. the song expands to hold you both.

(via chimericaloutlier)

theodysseyofhomer:

strinak:

theodysseyofhomer:

odysseus absolutely does present a threat to penelope if he perceives her as at all unfaithful, and i feel the unfairness of this, and i think people tend to undersell how much tension at least potentially exists between odysseus and penelope. but i’m also like. his reaction, all speculation aside, his actual reaction in the odyssey to her flirting with the suitors is delight, because he immediately ascertains that she is running a con. sorry that they’re so in-sync in spite of the forces that try to drive a wedge between them, including their own misgiving hearts. sorry that they invented homophrosyne ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

oh, you meant they literally did, ok

would i, tumblr user thee odysseyofhomer, lie to you?

(via perchancetodance)

thecatalogues:

ampervadasz:

Kitty!… long leg kitty!.. uh, creechur?… OUPPY

(via offduty-mermaid)

meow-moment:

kyriolex:

wbicepuppy:

delilahmidnight:

parentheticalaside:

curliestofcrowns:

Omg this is like 800 metaphors rolled into one megaphor

I would like everyone to know that vulture vomit is very stinky. It smells of rotting flesh and they use it to drive away predators

Direct action

hey, at least have a picture of the American vultures doing this, not eurasian/african vultures, they are very different creatures!

Apparently vultures are protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act, so there is nothing ICE can do about this except politely try to shoo the birds away.

So gods finally stopped fucking around and started with the Omens huh

(via chimericaloutlier)

keuhkopussirotta:

Have you ever considered how fucking astonishing babies crying is?

The young of other animals don’t make noise, or if they do, barely any at all. Baby birds only start chirping when their parents come back with the food, kittens meow to their mothers because cat communication is extremely subtle and drawing your caretaker’s attention may require a sound when you have eight siblings. At this point, they can already see and walk.

 But human babies? Crying is essentially the first willful action that they learn. Months before being able to move on your own, or even hold your own fucking head up, or being able to choose when and where you defecate. Before anything else, a skill more valuable than anything else, is a distress call.

 A distress call specifically intended to be impossible to ignore.

 Before object permanence or theory of mind, without even an understanding of what help they need, who could provide it, and whether they choose to do so, a human being is capable of expressing that there is something wrong in the state they are in, that they are powerless to correct on their own.

 This is what was evolutionarily selected above silent babies that did not attract predators. This is what was selected instead of young who could instantly walk. This is what was selected as the ideal offspring for the human race. Not one that runs. Not one that hides. Not one that can fend for itself. A creature that can communicate, if only the simplest, most inherent message:

I need help.

(via chimericaloutlier)

callmebliss:

siawrites:

cheese-sample-official:

wageronvoluntaryism:

wageronvoluntaryism:

ancaporado:

anarchomikeism:

Originally posted by heliocentra

Never forget what they took from us.

For those asking how it compares today

and also

And no the food hasn’t changed a damned bit.

Shoutout to everyone using receipts as bookmarks you’re providing valuable information to future scholars

(via offduty-mermaid)

secondlina:

New Crow Time - When you drink from silly fountain you get cartoon powers.

If you love Crow Time, consider supporting our comics on Patreon! You can support all our comics for $5, or just Crow Time for $2! What a steal!

wanderingwriter87:

jvlianbashir:

lt-kaollumn:

why are all the star trek games based on war and ship command and galactic fighting and war. i want diplomat simulator. i want skyrim for star trek. i wanna talk to a bunch of aliens about their farming rivalry and then go to the planet where everyones an italian mobster. i dont give a shit about upgrading the torpedoes on my battle cruiser to level up and destroy other ships in the New Online MMORPG. i want my entire ship to malfunction because an alien laid an egg in the nacelles and then i want to fix it by raising the alien as my own and then tossing it into space. what’s so hard to understand.

i want to play the equivalent of papa’s pizzeria/overcooked but set in quark’s bar

our man bashir dating sim

(via romansleftshoulderpad)

muffinlance:

muffinlance:

We’ve been working with toddler on using his words instead of screaming when something happens that he doesn’t like

Which has lead to:

Toddler, upon accidentally dropping a toy: ANGER ANGER ANGER!

This got over 600 new notes in the past few hours. We’re all vibing with Toddler on this Wednesday I see.

(via romansleftshoulderpad)

dorkichiban:

triviallytrue:

ALT

people who don’t follow chess I promise this post is really funny

Karpov had cemented his position as the world’s best player and world champion by the time Garry Kasparov arrived on the scene. In their first match, the World Chess Championship 1984 in Moscow, the first player to win six games would win the match. Karpov built a 4–0 lead after nine games. The next 17 games were drawn, setting a record for world title matches, and it took Karpov until game 27 to gain his fifth win. In game 31, Karpov had a winning position but failed to take advantage and settled for a draw. He lost the next game, after which 14 more draws ensued. Karpov held a solidly winning position in Game 41, but again blundered and had to settle for a draw. After Kasparov won games 47 and 48, FIDE President Florencio Campomanes unilaterally terminated the match, citing the players’ health. Karpov is said to have lost 10 kg over the course of the match. The match had lasted an unprecedented five months, with five wins for Karpov, three for Kasparov, and 40 draws.

okay, yeah this is pretty funny

(via teaboot)

thejonderettegirl:

dorothygale:

dorothygale:

the other night i saw a kid with the most nonchalant expression wearing a big puffy coat being pulled along on rollerblades by a tiny dog

you know what i’ll encourage this. i think my little dog deserves 10k

(via perchancetodance)

horaetio:

(via teaboot)

teaboot:

pavelow:

communist-hatsunemiku:

10april:

This video is a perfect demonstration of just how badly elderly people need to be introduced to video games. Like it should be a thing in facilities and assisted living, it’s like a no brainer, and could enrich these people’s live SO MUCH!!!

I’ve watched this like 5 times and the German lady constantly crashing her car cracks me up every time

Keeps the mind active, the spirits up, and the heart connected! Hell yes!!!